bloggers, feminism, writing

The confidence capsule- Overcoming fear and tribulations.

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Hello you gorgeous people, welcome back to my snazzle jazzle blog. This week emotions have heightened, we’ve been screwed over by politics once more and I’ve reached a new amazing high in spite of all that. I’ve decided to start a little series on my blog called ‘ the confidence capsule’, sharing with you some of my experiences which have propelled me towards feeling a little more confident in myself than usual. I am by no means an expert or trying to preach anything- I simply like sharing nuggets of inspiration on here.

You just about know that I struggle horrendously with just about everything regularly, which is part of the process of finding my stamp in the world. Being young means we feel scanty, we feel like little fickle beings with a huge pond to swim through. At least that’s how I feel, being 21 and still trying to jump through those ridiculous hoops. The truth is, I think we all need to cut ourselves some slack. We’re perfectly imperfect, and that’s what I love about myself- the fact that I am a mismatched human. This week I’ve felt a little soar in my confidence- I don’t know how and I don’t know why. However its truly a great feeling. For a minute I wanted to pinch myself, but the more I feel it the more I’m just rolling with it.

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I think my fears generally are not feeling beautiful or adequate, which equate to feeling pretty low and volatile. In the current online climate, it is bloody hard not to constantly compare yourself to what you see and what you hear. Boxes aren’t flattering, nor is ever comparing myself to anyone. As a regular user of Instagram, I see hundreds of photographs merging together on my feed until I’m lost in a colorful carnival of snapshots detailing the lives of people I am fascinated by.  It is an addiction that is hard to mend with the lack of willpower.  I get lost in mazes of London streets, foreign bikini snaps and perfectly (filtered) sculptured faces which ooze confidence and wonderfully blended pigments. I definitely suffer from FOMO, which if any of you don’t know means ‘ the fear of missing out’. Avoiding research, I water it down to just feeling a bit out of the picture. Normally you’ll find me frantically job searching in my pyjamas, reading in the quiet shade of a big garden and trying to avoid much attention, or becoming a writing maniac whilst typing out a Novel. Right now I can’t afford much else. I fear that my life is measured on an online scale, of what people perceive and how contrived my hourly events are. In no way am I insulting anyone with a platform, no matter how big or small that is. But it is hard, and I am so ready to get over that now.  Soz but my skin suffers breakouts, my fringe is wonky as fuck and my teeth are anything other than perfect. What matters is overcoming that fear. The fear of not always being in the picture, or being relatable.

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The more we fear the more we tribulate.  The more we hate the more aggro we circulate. What has helped my confidence is ignoring the stereotypes and the online archetypal figures. No way am I a fashionista, or the most interesting person. However I have a lot to give and love from within myself. It all starts from the moment you realize your qualities. Here is what I’ve told myself:

I am the gal that wants to ring you up and talk to you for hours, who wants to run you ragged on little adventures, the girl with the big heart and goofy laugh, the girl who cuts her own fringe, the girl who loves to dance in bars even if it takes her half the night to realize she’s stunning, who over worries about a lot and clarifies to the death, has a patchwork quilt of different styles, writes Novels on fantasy worlds parallel to hers, wants to watch Harry Potter ten million times, watch Studio Ghibli films on a Sunday morning, is fiercely loyal whether you take that for granted or not, begs for love, is kind and generous and is soft and squishy. I love that I am a kaleidoscope of many different things- I laugh at my own jokes, I’m creative and inspire others without realizing.

This is how I am overcoming my fear. Let me know what fears you want to overcome and what qualities you love about yourself. I would love for you to share you thoughts, feelings and stories.

All the love,

Sarah xx

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