Here I am, just me. Except now I am returning to my blog as a twenty one year old. That is too much for me to even say, how is getting older even real? Do any of you feel suddenly older and transformed when you’ve reached your birthday or is that just me? I feel different, I feel new. I went out in a dress today, bare legs on show. I never have my legs out. My boobs have gotten bigger, only slightly. For someone who is still body conscious, this makes me very happy. My spirit is yearning for adventure. I’ve dealt with finances and house savings and finished a Degree.
I’ve waxed my new bookshelf and scraped my arms climbing trees. I’ve stayed out until late without rushing home. I’ve slowly amended friendships and made new ones.
Twenty one is where I’ve needed to be.
Fresh starts are needed, often craved sometimes. Recently I’ve had to cope with moving back home from Uni and saying goodbye to my closest friends without feeling the true extent of the pain yet. I know at some point it will hit me hard. Over the past three years I’ve really built on myself, mostly through some pretty heartbreaking experiences. Finding myself has been a huge journey and I’m only halfway there. At the moment I’m only really doing okay, which I can accept for the most part because there is so much time for me to grow into new spaces within myself. Some days I’ve stared hopelessly at my phone for texts that never come, stayed in bed on Netflix and eaten broken up meals throughout the day, and cried in the shower. But thats my way of healing. The next day I find my feet again and brace the outdoors where my soul can be free. It takes incredible courage to get over something as gruelling as disconnection and self doubt, and I’m proud of myself for my journey.
This is a blog post to encourage positivity, to encourage the pursuit of happiness. I am no expert and every experience is unique, but I want to share the ways in which I’ve pushed myself towards a fresh start.
Every night before I go to bed, I try to knock my phone off without fail. Phones interrupt sleep and a lack of sleep is detrimental to physical and mental health. Your body is more important than Instagram or Twitter. We might think that rebooting our phones and refreshing our feeds is more important than ourselves, but let me tell you having a black out session ( switching off your phone) is essential every now and then. Yes this is a good step to living fully and I recommend totally. My life was very inbalanced for a while because of comparison and for allowing myself to believe that my life had to match up to everyone else’s. I would stay up until late at night staring at ‘ perfect’ selfies and googling new hair and body modifications to help me feel better in my own skin. This was so incredibly toxic and I’m glad I’ve matured from that experience. We all know social media is a devil. Why not switch off all your lights before bed or fall asleep completely technology free? It does work. Even limit yourself once or twice to one film per night so that you’re not up all night staring at a screen which damages your eye sight.
Make peace with everything. Do not doubt your better judgement when it comes to how you handle negative aspects of your life. This is an opportunity to reassess what is important. If you’re still hung up about an ex or driving yourself paranoid with ghosting and unresponsive messages, then stop. Stop. Please. It has taken me a very long time to pull myself together from crying over people who quite frankly do not give an ounce of care. Never let anyone disservice you. That is when life gets easier. Life is never ever easy, but things do heal. For me, it was all down to my mindset and my willpower. When I stopped wishing for text messages to come and for people to put as much effort in as me, that was when I made room for self-love and appreciation. Clouds clear and hurricanes pass. Eventually people become a distant memory and that is normal. Try putting things into boxes, store old memories in places you won’t be tempted to look. From experience this helps speed up the healing process. Always learn to forgive, even at your most stubborn. Forgiveness is a strength and empathy is important. Remember to keep in touch with those that matter.
Take time for YOU. Take a friend or partner around a museum or gallery. Go stargazing or stick glow in the dark stars on your ceiling for the same effect, but somewhere warmer. Watch your favourite film, even watch it twice. Laugh. Laugh at anything. Laugh until the feeling fills your stomach. Go for a run. Go shopping. Eat your favourite food. I eat Veggie Sushi when I need to cheer myself up. Go to bed early rather than in the early hours. Sit in a quiet place in the sunshine. Drink a glass of squash. Pet cats or dogs or look at pictures and videos of them. Book a holiday. Plan a city break and go somewhere you’ve never visited. Jump in the car and go on a drive. Listen to whale music or a space soundtrack to take your mind away from stress. Make a scrapbook and take hundreds of photographs to look back on. Sing in the shower or the bath. Go to Lush and buy incredible bath bombs for a magical relaxation period. Fresh air. Surprise your friends. Put on makeup or try going without makeup for a few days. Write poetry or start writing a book. Do cartwheels in the grass. Make a picnic and take a good book somewhere. Visit Historic buildings. Try going T total. Play board games with friends or draw by yourself. Sunbathe. Volunteer. Do you always. These will give you a new perspective, something fresh and surprising and something to learn from. You’ll come back a different person.
Learn to be more humble and don’t get hooked to victory. Only revel in your own personal victories and not at the expense of others. The more smug you are, the more its going to bite you in the ass. A fresh start requires you to focus on yourself without getting back at anyone. Life isn’t about getting the one up. Lets be honest, nobody cares as much as you do.
Embrace it all. Embrace your weirdness, your hair, your wiggly bits, your smile, your clammy summer hands, your freckles, your goofy laugh, your mistakes and successes, your weaknesses and shortcomings, your kindness. All that matters is you and how you treat yourself and others. Never try to be perfect. Chasing your perfection will give you room for change and growth. Make good choices and always make choices. Decisions come from you, from within.